Elusivity -Natalie

So definitively ended and,
as needed, undefended
Without amicable illusions
Just destructively defusioned
Regardless of desires
In spite of heart-filled fires
I stand and weep alone
With nothing ever won

And if instead I wait and wait for defence
The waiting kills faster than what is defended against
And so I must, despite all living, die
And eternally must never know the reason why